How much?

How much of yourself do you compromise for the sake of a relationship?  I would like to qualify that I am not currently in a relationship but it has been on my mind of late.

On one hand, relationships are all about compromise.  Where do you draw the line?  That is the question I am struggling with.  You see, I have a tendency to forget about myself or belittle my own needs in favour of the other person.  I just do it naturally as I am a giver more than a receiver.  I do however have a vast number of my own needs and am more and more able to recognize when they aren’t being met and try to speak up about it.

On the other hand, I am a great believer in accepting people as they are and trying not to expect them to change to suit me.  So if a person is not meeting your needs as a natural part of their personality, how do you balance accepting and loving them with what they aren’t fulfilling in terms of what you need?  How much of yourself do you give up in order to accept and be with the other person?  How much do you expect the other person to change and compromise on your behalf?   If they truly love you, should they just naturally want to compromise?  I just don’t have the answer.

It is late/early here so I will perhaps have to revisit this entry.

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~ by savasana on July 24, 2007.

5 Responses to “How much?”

  1. I’ve been told by folks apparently much wiser than myself (51 years of marriage would seem to make them wiser anyway) that any relationship should be 60-60 give only deal. No take involved. If each person in the relationship gives 60% and takes nothing, they will have a successful relationship.

    I think the trick is figuring out which 60% to give and what 40% to hang on to. 😉

  2. Those of us who are givers though, are not capable of stopping at 60% And even though we can recognize that our needs are not being met, somehow we think if we give more than the 110% that we are already giving, it will all work out.

  3. Why Snigs, that is so very wise that I may just have to claim to have said it myself! “In my 51 years of marriage…..”. Damn. I’m 28 so I don’t think folks will buy it :P.

    And Shells, I have that issue too. *sigh* See, this is why my plan for spinsterhood is not all that silly.

  4. Well I’ll come help you escape your cats when they start reproducing without boundary and get feral. 😉

  5. I know what you mean. I sorta have the 110% problem, but mine only lasts a short time, then I get burned out and only want to give 10%. That’s the purpose of stopping at 60%- you don’t overdo and you have time/energy to give that 40% to yourself, where you don’t feel the need to take. 😉

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